Such A Wuss!
Not even sure that's the right spelling!
This is more on the procrastination really. I keep paralysing myself with indecision. I am so unself fulfilled, so low in esteem for myself that I trip myself up constantly. The weird dichotomy of knowing, on an emotional level, that people care for me but on an actual physical level it can be really hard to see. 2 of the people I'm closest too never seem to ask me how I am. I get a torrent of verbal from both with supportive and reassuring, or shaking up words from me. Meanwhile all my stresses are going completely unaddressed. The only ones I speak to who, politely, ask how I am are strangers who don't actually want to hear a diatribe of worries, concerns and hang ups - they just want to know that I'm not going to die or freak out on them in the middle of a conversation LOL.
An Anxiety Attack is never far away.
This is not a great photo but it shows what a difference 24 hours can make to my depression. I have coloured his picture to the same greyness that I'm feeling. The original picture was taken earlier this month and is a lot brighter.
Today I feel defeated by time, by life, by my so called support system (which continually fails to support) and my inability to know what to do next.
I want a voice instead of this passivity. I want to choose life over this greyness. I want to have reasons to exist in this universe. I want to matter to someone for once,
I need to sort my head out
Peace :)
This is more on the procrastination really. I keep paralysing myself with indecision. I am so unself fulfilled, so low in esteem for myself that I trip myself up constantly. The weird dichotomy of knowing, on an emotional level, that people care for me but on an actual physical level it can be really hard to see. 2 of the people I'm closest too never seem to ask me how I am. I get a torrent of verbal from both with supportive and reassuring, or shaking up words from me. Meanwhile all my stresses are going completely unaddressed. The only ones I speak to who, politely, ask how I am are strangers who don't actually want to hear a diatribe of worries, concerns and hang ups - they just want to know that I'm not going to die or freak out on them in the middle of a conversation LOL.
An Anxiety Attack is never far away.
This is not a great photo but it shows what a difference 24 hours can make to my depression. I have coloured his picture to the same greyness that I'm feeling. The original picture was taken earlier this month and is a lot brighter.
Today I feel defeated by time, by life, by my so called support system (which continually fails to support) and my inability to know what to do next.
I want a voice instead of this passivity. I want to choose life over this greyness. I want to have reasons to exist in this universe. I want to matter to someone for once,
I need to sort my head out
Peace :)
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