Prevaricating Procrastination
I have these sparks of inspiration and creativity followed by doubt which can only be improved by research. I love research, exploring new avenues and learning about new experiences has always helped me move forward in my life.
Yet there comes a point when research has to turn into action or else it leads me down paths which bring doubt again.
I am completely guilty of judging my baby steps by others 15 year experience. I see a more polished vlog (talking to 3million), or a blog (talking to 500,000). I see an incredibly decorated cake (Cake Boss), or crafted chocolate (Choccywoccydoodah), a Dress, a Birthday Card, a decoupaged gift and I grind to a halt. All the enthusiasm and passion has been spent by the research and my inspiration becomes my repellent.
I started (most recently) with wanting to create cakes. No good when everyone I know is dieting and my housemate is put off by coloured cake or highly decorated cake. I ended up playing with flavours, which was fine for a while and then I saw the professionals do it. I decided that I couldn't compete.
This led to an interest in Polymer Clay Making, figuring that if I couldn't make things using fondant icing and modelling chocolate I'd be able to use clay. Facebook sculptures made me feel inadequate. The pattern is most definitely repeating and repeated throughout my life.
Concurrently running was jewellery making - you can't always be eating cake it's just not practical lol. I simply didn't have the room to make anything. I hadn't realised that I would need more space than my lap! I will return to this as I have all the tools and most of the other equipment too but my enthusiasm was crushed by Ebay China. I could buy the stuff I liked at a fraction of the cost.
Then there was Card Making. I have magazines to go through and LOTS of ideas. I also bought a Cricut machine at this time, in an attempt to enable me to make custom decals for my cards. No space (again) and no organization. Plus I had been following a couple of people on Facebook and they seemed to make such incredible cards that I (again) figured I'd Never be that good so why bother? This is something which I will also return to as I like the thought of custom making family cards. It's worth it as cards are so expensive to buy.
The next magazine subscription I bought was for Quilting. I now have tins full of scraps of material and 2 volumes of information about making a quilt. I really don't know why I thought I'd have room to do that if I had no room for a card!! I think I thought I could make it a square at a time. Did I mention I was living in semi-darkness for a long while? That didn't help with the creativity At All.
My latest and final notion was to use all these elements for Multi Media crafting. I subscribed to a Crafting Box and a Multi Media box and, pretty much, remained loyal to the one brand for a while. I have a collection of youtube videos to help me use the pastes and potions so that will be where I'm starting once I have my craft room ready.
Mixed Media is more forgiving I feel and I have some other projects which will incorporate it. I have a chest of drawers which needs an uplift for example. Paint and Decoupage for that. I have a couple of doll kits to re-invent to fit my preferences and there may be all sorts of other things in my stash which I've completely forgotten about.
This past year my family have been presenting me with colouring books and various pens, pencils and felt tips to use on them. While I have been finding places to put things it has helped me scratch my creative itch. I have a wonderful Diary that is a Moomins Colouring book too. I colour with whatever I have to hand and it has made for some very interesting effects.
I have hopes for moving forward with this. There are still bureaucratic nonsenses to sort out and I expect more hassle next year but, in the mean time, I have to live every day. If I keep waiting for the right time, the right space, the right ingredients, the right mood then by the time I will go to my coffin I will have never actually done anything!
Can I begin a new project? Is 56 too old for new projects? What if it's just more failure? More rejection? More of "no one listening"? I feel I have important things to share about COPD and Cor Pulmonale and the impact it has had on my Social Anxiety. There is little to no help anywhere about day to day concerns. "Does this happen to anyone else?" is a common question for me.
Hmmm! Have I already given up? Too many hurdles (I'm Really Not photogenic). Can I podcast and get used to having a voice first? More Research.......
And Here We Go Again.
Yet there comes a point when research has to turn into action or else it leads me down paths which bring doubt again.
I am completely guilty of judging my baby steps by others 15 year experience. I see a more polished vlog (talking to 3million), or a blog (talking to 500,000). I see an incredibly decorated cake (Cake Boss), or crafted chocolate (Choccywoccydoodah), a Dress, a Birthday Card, a decoupaged gift and I grind to a halt. All the enthusiasm and passion has been spent by the research and my inspiration becomes my repellent.
I started (most recently) with wanting to create cakes. No good when everyone I know is dieting and my housemate is put off by coloured cake or highly decorated cake. I ended up playing with flavours, which was fine for a while and then I saw the professionals do it. I decided that I couldn't compete.
This led to an interest in Polymer Clay Making, figuring that if I couldn't make things using fondant icing and modelling chocolate I'd be able to use clay. Facebook sculptures made me feel inadequate. The pattern is most definitely repeating and repeated throughout my life.
Concurrently running was jewellery making - you can't always be eating cake it's just not practical lol. I simply didn't have the room to make anything. I hadn't realised that I would need more space than my lap! I will return to this as I have all the tools and most of the other equipment too but my enthusiasm was crushed by Ebay China. I could buy the stuff I liked at a fraction of the cost.
Then there was Card Making. I have magazines to go through and LOTS of ideas. I also bought a Cricut machine at this time, in an attempt to enable me to make custom decals for my cards. No space (again) and no organization. Plus I had been following a couple of people on Facebook and they seemed to make such incredible cards that I (again) figured I'd Never be that good so why bother? This is something which I will also return to as I like the thought of custom making family cards. It's worth it as cards are so expensive to buy.
The next magazine subscription I bought was for Quilting. I now have tins full of scraps of material and 2 volumes of information about making a quilt. I really don't know why I thought I'd have room to do that if I had no room for a card!! I think I thought I could make it a square at a time. Did I mention I was living in semi-darkness for a long while? That didn't help with the creativity At All.
My latest and final notion was to use all these elements for Multi Media crafting. I subscribed to a Crafting Box and a Multi Media box and, pretty much, remained loyal to the one brand for a while. I have a collection of youtube videos to help me use the pastes and potions so that will be where I'm starting once I have my craft room ready.
Mixed Media is more forgiving I feel and I have some other projects which will incorporate it. I have a chest of drawers which needs an uplift for example. Paint and Decoupage for that. I have a couple of doll kits to re-invent to fit my preferences and there may be all sorts of other things in my stash which I've completely forgotten about.
This past year my family have been presenting me with colouring books and various pens, pencils and felt tips to use on them. While I have been finding places to put things it has helped me scratch my creative itch. I have a wonderful Diary that is a Moomins Colouring book too. I colour with whatever I have to hand and it has made for some very interesting effects.
I have hopes for moving forward with this. There are still bureaucratic nonsenses to sort out and I expect more hassle next year but, in the mean time, I have to live every day. If I keep waiting for the right time, the right space, the right ingredients, the right mood then by the time I will go to my coffin I will have never actually done anything!
Can I begin a new project? Is 56 too old for new projects? What if it's just more failure? More rejection? More of "no one listening"? I feel I have important things to share about COPD and Cor Pulmonale and the impact it has had on my Social Anxiety. There is little to no help anywhere about day to day concerns. "Does this happen to anyone else?" is a common question for me.
Hmmm! Have I already given up? Too many hurdles (I'm Really Not photogenic). Can I podcast and get used to having a voice first? More Research.......
And Here We Go Again.
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